6 P.M.: Sept. 16, ‘67
Momsette:
What must you be doing now? I have not received any letter from you yet. [Other than a postcard from Honolulu, on which was written just my address and ‘Love, fgdavid’, which I received on September 14, I hadn’t yet received any communication from fg as of September 16. It wasn’t until September 18 that I received 4 letters and 2 postcards. I wrote him first on September 13, which I mailed the next day. Since it took an average of 9 days for a letter to reach its destination, my first letter must have reached fg on September 23.–ethel] Are you well? How do you manage your life? The kids? Your studies? Inay? I feel so bad remembering that I have left behind a string of obligations you have to settle. I am so sorry. I was very thoughtless.
Here it is dusky and gloomy. There is hurricane Dory that is sweeping the East. Radio broadcasts say it has done some damage in Boston. It is meteorologically mild here at Bryn Mawr. Unlike the typhoons or storms that flood and wreck Manila. None of the kind . Just drizzles. But just the same it sets me to bad mood. It makes unexplainably lonely, even desperate. Why did I have to leave Manila or Quezon City, despite everything. Yes both are dirty and despicable most of the time, yet there is really nothing like one’s country and people. Perhaps it takes long to vanish them from one’s mind or affection.
People around here are very polite. They also manage to greet you when you chance looking at them or to thank you whatever sort of favor you do them. They are very unlike JD conductors or Manilans; but just the same I miss our countrymen. I like them. How crazy of me. But what can I do? I have my roots in them. My feelings are Filipino. My aspiration and despair.
You know I am now getting worried about how you may be dejected and disappointed when you will come here to join me. I begin to pity the kids even this early. Will they not be lonely? Will they adjust? How short a time can they learn life and the language? I Hope I am merely making a mountain out of a mole hill.
In your case i may be better if you bring a maid. But how can we afford he expenses? There are not even promises of jobs that may take a Filipino. How I feel bad for all these thoughts.
Despite all these anticipated difficulties, by all means come here. You know I am bad at staying longer with other people. The urge to flee is strong. It is stronger now. I cannot stand the companionship of any others. I miss you. It is your presence just I want. Last night I dreamt you were to scratch my back. I lifted the back of my sweater. I felt cold. It was just a bad dream. A selfish dream.
I miss our kids. Tell them I think of them a lot. Do they do the same of me?
Regards to my mother, my relatives and yours.
Love,
fg