Dear Dad,
Daily, constantly, I wonder how you are. I pray to the depths of my soul that you are ‘well.’ ‘Happy.’ At peace. Everything they say the loving hand of death brings with it. Particularly now that Christmas has come and gone.
Yesterday Don, Nina and I spent the day at fair old 33J as we always have in seasons past. We had a late lunch of Noche Buena left-overs, as usual, the better to spend the day in complete relaxation and with no pressure to cook. After waiting for Barbie to come home from a visit to her other grandparents, we exchanged our gifts, as before, amidst much teasing and laughter; with Mai of course capturing every moment using the old-style analog camera which she refuses to give up. The aftermath was pretty much the same, gift-wrappers strewn everywhere (except for Mai’s, which she still insists on cutting open slo-o-owly with a knife, folding, and tucking away somewhere to keep 
), presents checked, fitted, and gathered together. And yes, like all other seasons past, we then sat down to watch DVDs afterwards. Don was excited to bring over the ones he bought the day before, excited because he found a ‘new’ Steven Seagal movie which he wanted to watch at home. Unfortunately for him I guess it’s a genre only you and he could appreciate unabashedly, without ever tiring of it. Uc, Gid, and even Mai (surprisingly!) sat down to watch snatches of the movie though, to their credit. In your honor, they said. And I must admit it was the most time I spent watching a Seagal movie. I’m sure we would have enjoyed teasing you how it had the same storyline as all his other movies past, how Seagal had gotten visibly older and slower in his fight sequences, but I’m sure you would have liked the movie just the same. And in some weird way, I think I almost did. Yes, in your honor Dad.
As we sat down to dinner I noticed an ‘extra’ untouched place setting at the table. Apparently, set by Avi, it was yours. And she even cooked some of your favorite shrimp. We joked that it was good she did because had you been there you would’ve been reminding us of the ‘perils’ of eating too much of the fattening, processed, unhealthy stuff that we love to indulge in. Haha. We live with your words of wisdom in our hearts and minds constantly.
So there it was, Dad, how we spent the Christmas of 2007. Nina’s first, but one which will also be remembered as our first without you. Your absence was as always palpable, but I think we would have done you proud. I don’t think you would have had it to see everyone morose and sullen. Besides, in some strange, surreal way, it was almost as if you were there, laughing with us at the same family stories retold over a million times already; appreciating our ‘gifts’ in a way only a father like you could; giving that simple pat on the shoulder that communicated to us the depth of your love for us. Even the conversations were peppered with Dad-isms — all the jokes and quips we knew you would have said.
Of course there still isn’t a day that goes by that I do not wish that things were different, that we still had you here with us. But seeing as that simply isn’t possible, we cope Dad and just try to give you honor in the way we continue living our lives.
You have been often quoted to have said that one’s soul is the memories one leaves behind. I hope that we are keeping yours alive, then.
I miss you so much Dad, as I’m sure we all immensely do.
Always,
‘General’ Fer